One Year Pic's

Dear Graycen, 

Sorry this was just you, me and my iPhone baby boy. Nothing too fancy. But your adorable enough to make up for it. 

Let me tell you a little bit about your first year:

You were rather quiet, especially any time there were people around. Not in a way that your dad would be but just that you were very observant. Your favorite toys usually consisted of half an easter egg and a ball with which to put in the half of an easter egg. You were quite possessive over these toys and no matter what you were doing if i handed you a ball and an egg you were distracted for at least 15 min. All other toys you have a good 30 seconds to. 

You really like the remote, but probable just because it's off limits.

Your diet consisted of a bottle built of 3oz of pureed fruit and veggies, 2oz of fruit flavored baby oat meal and some milk. You had a hard time with anything else, even when you got teeth. And for whatever reason you hate banana's and greek yogurt but you love bacon, well really any kind of meat really. And anything that is in your sisters bowl is gold because you are a fast handed little smuggler and you will run fast to get away with your ponder. 

You never, not once, had a diaper rash. 

Your jeans size up to a full year was 3-6m. 

I cut your hair 3 times. 

You never had a black eye but your calf bone always has at least one bruise. 

Your pretty hard to discipline. If I say no or try to spank your bum when I'm changing your diaper and your trying to get away, you just laugh at me. 

You can say mama and dada but you only say it to get what you want. 

You really like it when I scare you. I will literally hide and jump out and roar at you and you will be scared off your feet but you will just laugh and laugh after. Then for a half an hour you walk around like it was an inside joke, saying "roar" to me and laughing. Thats how I already know you will make it in life. :) 

You really love the bath, like an obsession. You will literally head dive in, in your clothes. 

You have a favorite light blue half velvet, half satin blanket with a little care bare in the corner. Obviously a hand-me-down as they no longer make care bare memorabilia. Your just in to vintage like that. 

Your scared of our cat, but who isn't he is evil. Your also scared of your sisters auto-matron cat. 

You really like to dance whenever there is music. So I play it a lot. 

And you kept this hat on for most of the time.  

 

 

 

 

Bubbly Birthday

Happy First Birthday My Little Love,
     Since your such a big fan of bubbles I themed your birthday around it. :) Here are some memories.
Love Mom

 

 

 

The Twelfth Month of Life

Sorry that your toy box is so ghetto right now. 

To: My Future Daughter-in-Law

Dear Graycen,
 I read a sweet, sweet little mommy blog entry  entitled "To My Future Daughter in Law". It inspired me to make it mine. So please pass the computer over to your beautiful wife. :)

As I write this letter your future husband is toddling around the living room making little grunting noises and swinging his sisters light sword form the 4th of July fireworks we went to. He is already so handsome. It is so strange to refer to him as “your husband” considering he is just barely one year and still so innocent. He is mine, a part of me living on the outside. But he is yours and you are his. Right now God knows exactly where you are. Maybe you are being held by your mother as she tries to soothe you to sleep. Or maybe my son will like older women and you are five years old and enjoying a Thursday afternoon on the playground. I can’t picture you. I have no idea what type of girl you are or will be. I can only hope that you are loved, that you are learning from a reliable source how to love. 

I am sure you will hear this from me many times as well as see the video, but your husband and I had the easiest of beginnings. Two pushes started us off. Followed by roughly a year of him being the most patient and happy baby. Everyone loved him. I'v never heard him cry they would all say. Yet none of them felt the terrible, awful feelings of defeat that I sometimes did. I have, once or twice, cried, and cried, and cried harder. The only thing I can ever think to do is to pray and ask God to show me what to do. Or to give me some form of strength that I may not have. 

From the moment I found out I was having a son I was stressed. Not because I do not have much experience with boys but precisely because I do. As most of us do, I spent years trying to find a "good one". One that loved me for everything that I am and forgave me for what I am not. One that made me a better woman. You'r future father in law is that one for me. But as too how to teach that, how to inspire my son to be everything I hope him to be, it is entirely different. At a time when I was preparing for a mission I read this quote by the very same man who sent my mission call. Gordon B. Hinckley. 

"Many young women are serving missions. Many are preparing to serve, not because they weren't married or because they have nothing to do, but because they have a desire to serve and therefor are being called to the work. The reason so many are going is because in the nest generation Heavenly Father will be sending his priesthood army to the earth. He wants to send them to mothers who have been properly trained and taught in the gospel. And what better training can a young woman receive then that of serving a mission." 

At first thought, I would be preparing their wives, yet still it applied all the same. Yes, but also one of them will be my responsibility as well. Helping a precious little elite soul of Hevenly Father's Priesthood Army can seem very daunting. Teaching something you may not relate to or never experience. I find myself praying each day for my son. “Heavenly Father, make him a man among men. A leader among leaders. Make him strong, resilient, brave, loving, and humble. Make him a good man in a storm.” Each night or morning his royal skinny butt needs an extra sustenance bottle that I feed him. I pace with him cuddled to my shoulder, I sing him songs about how he is a child or God and songs about how all the answers will be known, and then I pray … Lord make him a man among men … 

I spent 9 months growing your husband. Waddling around the remaining few weeks of it. I’ll spend the next 18 years going through the ups and downs. The hills and valleys. I will drive him to practice after practice. I will have to explain to him why he can’t pee anywhere but in a toilet or our backyard. I’ll have to teach him how to actually bathe himself to ensure he is clean and not his version of clean. I will have to punish him when he tortures his sister or does something stupid. I will most likely sit through a million and a half (rough estimate) innings of baseball and quarters of football. Basketball and soccer. When he is ready to talk to me about the girl in high school who hurt his heart I will have to lovingly listen and explain that sometimes we ladies don’t know how hurtful we can be. I will share the story of how I hurt his father a few times. I will prepare him for you – as best as possible.

I am not disillusioned on what my responsibility as a mother holds. I’m responsible for raising a son to hear the Gospel in the hopes that he will turn around and teach it to nations. I am responsible for raising a son to not only wipe his own butt, but to do it well! I am responsible for teaching my son to love others and serve others as best as possible. I am responsible for teaching him to respect those around him. I am responsible for raising a son who will grow into a man who will love one woman and raise children to carry on his legacy. I am responsible for laying the foundation. I will hold his past, and with you comes his future.

When you meet me you will clutch to his hand like it is your life support. You will worry and stress about what you wear and how your hair will look. You’ll be afraid to speak up and you will want to crawl in a hole and die before you “meet the in-laws.” Can I share a little secret for you?

I’m looking forward to meeting you. And I pray for you even today.

Do you know how important you are to my son? How vital you are to his trajectory in life? I don’t look at you and see a uterus with a head attached and your whole purpose in life is to give me grandbabies. I look at you as the missing piece to the puzzle. You see, I’m going to admit something to you, moms don’t have it all figured out. And we don’t raise complete children. Other people come into our children’s lives and maybe they rough up some edges, or maybe they soften them. Experiences and people change who our children grow to be. Am I afraid you could hurt him? Absolutely. But I am no more afraid than I am of a man coming into my daughter’s life and hurting her. I’ve been on both sides of that coin – as one to hurt and one to be hurt. I can’t buffer them though. I can’t follow them around and protect them from the pain they will experience. Will it kill me to see them suffer? Without a doubt. But I can’t stop it. I can’t intervene where God intends to work. 

I pray that you are a woman among women. I pray that you are classy and humble. I pray that you have a servant’s heart. I pray that you know the Lord deeply and profoundly. I pray that you are a good woman in a storm. I pray that you love yourself and are confident in who you are so that you have a happy, wonderful, and beautiful marriage with my son.

You are a piece in the puzzle. A very important piece.

You will make him a better man.
You will make him stronger.
You will make him feel things he’s never felt before.
You will heighten the urge to protect within him.
You will show him a softer side of Jesus.
You will show him mercy.
You will teach him grace.
You will love him at his worst.
You will love him at his best.
You will give him the gift of children.
You will show him how to be a great father by being a great mother.
You will look after him.
You will move mountains for him.
You will be an immovable rock in a constantly shifting world.
You will be his best friend.
You will hold him.
You will stand behind him.
You will stand beside him.
You will challenge him.
You will push him.
You will pull him.
You will teach him intimacy.
You will love him; unconditionally.

And one day my son will stand next to me as I wait for the Lord to call me home. As I feel the pull and I begin to slip, he will feel pain. He will stand over my hollow shell and know that I am with the Lord, but he will suffer. I am his mother. I am the woman who gave birth to him and taught him the best I could. I am the woman who kissed the booboos and made the perfect chocolate chip cookies. (Don’t worry … it’s on the back of the Hershey's bag.) I showed him how to respect girls and how to tie his shoes. I taught him his ABCs and how to count to 100. I hold everything about his past.

But, my dear girl, you hold his future.

You will experience life together. You will be his partner through it all. You will be his best friend.

Do not fear me. Do not think that I do not cherish you. I love you. I love what you mean to my son. I love that God brought you into our lives to make him a better man. To do the things I never could as a mother.

So today as your husband looks up at me and smiles and coos, I will think of you. I will pray for you. And I will do my best by you to raise a man among men. A leader among leaders. And to help him be strong, resilient, brave, loving, and humble. A good man in a storm.

Love,

Your Future Mother-in-Law